EVERY CAPYBARA HAS A NAME. HERE'S YOURS.
Seven choices. One unreasonably specific name. Yours forever.
Every capybara has a name. They don't tell humans. We got hold of the register. Yours is in there.
The playable version needs JavaScript. Here is the whole quiz as plain text — 7 questions and 4 possible verdicts.
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Question 1. Pick a habitat.
- warm shallow water with reeds.
- a soft pile of moss in deep shade.
- a wide quiet meadow.
- a low foggy field with no fence.
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Question 2. Pick a snack.
- melon. cold. eaten flat on the ground.
- leaves. a lot of them. with patience.
- a single perfect grape.
- whatever was on the kitchen counter, unattended.
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Question 3. Pick a personality note.
- low frequency. high consistency.
- patient. observant. underestimated.
- dignified. softly judgmental.
- famously unavailable.
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Question 4. Pick a sound you make most often.
- a soft exhale. barely audible.
- the chew. specifically, the chew.
- a single, well-timed "no."
- silence. weaponized.
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Question 5. Pick a worst-case scenario.
- warm bath water. for too long.
- a duck. on your back. comfortable.
- someone reaches to pet you uninvited.
- an open door. and a clear sightline.
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Question 6. Pick a finishing move.
- a slow blink.
- continued eating, undisturbed.
- looking at you. holding eye contact. waiting.
- gone. you didn't see it leave.
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Question 7. Pick a final detail.
- a small flower stuck in your fur.
- a piece of moss, unintentional, ironic.
- a tiny crown. somehow.
- a scar. small. legendary.
The verdicts
- Mossbottom the Unbothered — You are warm. You are damp. You are unbothered. You have one expression and it is "fine." Other animals climb onto you and you allow it. The world is loud and you are not. You will outlive most situations by simply continuing to be in them.
- Soggy Bean the Patient — You are deeply patient. You chew through problems literally and metaphorically. People underestimate you and find out, eventually, that you've been processing this for longer than anyone realized. You are not in a hurry. You will get there. Someone will offer you a leaf. It will all be fine.
- Lord Quietswamp — You have posture. You have opinions you don't share. You have small, perfect rituals that no one knows about. Other animals defer to you and they're not entirely sure why. The crown is invisible but everyone agrees it's there.
- Captain Nope — You are gone. People look for you. They don't find you. You weren't anywhere they thought to check. You have a quiet legend, a small scar with a story, and zero intention of explaining yourself. The capybaras whisper about you. They use a softer "n" when they say your name.
Keep reading
The quiz gives you a verdict. These give you the actual answers.
FAQ
What are capybaras actually called where they live?
Carpincho across much of Spanish-speaking South America, chigüire or chigüiro in Venezuela and Colombia, and capivara in Brazilian Portuguese. "Capybara" reached English through Portuguese from Tupi. None of the names this quiz hands out are among them.
What is a baby capybara called?
A pup. They are born unusually finished — eyes open, fur on, able to walk and to eat grass within about a week — which is why they look like small copies of the adults rather than helpless newborns.
Is the name I got official in any way?
No. It is a name a website gave you based on seven pictures. You are free to use it anyway.
