WHICH CAPYBARA ARE YOU, ACTUALLY

The playable version needs JavaScript. Here is the whole quiz as plain text — 7 questions and 4 possible verdicts.

1. Question 1. Pick your Saturday morning.

   • bath. running for forty minutes already.
   • bed. five tabs open. somehow important.
   • kitchen. list made, coffee on.
   • forest. out before anyone's awake.

2. Question 2. Pick a snack.

   • something cold. minimal effort.
   • spicy noodles. no plate.
   • homemade cake. made for someone.
   • one square of dark chocolate.

3. Question 3. Pick your animal friend.

   • a duck. low stakes. floats.
   • a monkey. constant trouble. worth it.
   • a dog. loyal. needs you.
   • a heron. barely acknowledges you.

4. Question 4. Pick how you handle a bad week.

   • forty minutes in hot water. fine afterwards.
   • a cold plunge. wake up and fight.
   • candles. soup. everyone fed.
   • a lake at dawn. no one for a mile.

5. Question 5. Pick your Sunday evening.

   • soup. blanket. early sleep.
   • a bar. one drink. turns into seven.
   • meal prep. monday-proofing the week.
   • a window at dusk. watching the light go.

6. Question 6. Pick a mood.

   • everything is fine.
   • everything is on.
   • everything is handled.
   • everything is far away.

7. Question 7. Pick the capybara that's you.

   • the one in the bath.
   • the one with the orange.
   • the one with everyone on its back.
   • the one walking off alone.

The verdicts

• The Hot Spring Soaker — You are the calmest person in any room and you have not earned this — it's how you're built. Stress arrives, registers, and leaves through a side door. People envy this. Sometimes they find it infuriating. You don't really see what the panic is about, and that's the point.
• The Chaos Friend — You bite first and nap later. The group chat is on fire because of you, and three people are getting married, and someone is finally unblocked. You don't think of yourself as chaotic — you think of yourself as honest. The world reacts to honesty in interesting ways.
• The Herd Auntie — You remember everyone's hot spring temperature preferences. You ordered the cake. You also ordered the backup cake. People depend on you in ways they don't thank you for, but they'd notice immediately if you stopped. You are quietly running things.
• The Lone Wanderer — You leave parties early. You walk strange distances. You have a rich inner life you don't share casually because most people don't deserve it. You once watched a heron for forty minutes and didn't tell anyone, because what would you say.